Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Letting Go




With some people, friendships start with respect and admiration for each other. But as you advance, informality creeps in. Informality can be a good thing. It gives space for you to share your darkest fears and your deepest secrets without fear of feeling vulnerable and being judged. But what if the informality takes over your personal space? What if you feel abused as your friendship becomes closer? What if you feel like you are being controlled by that person?  Is it time for you to move on from this person- to let go?


Who is a friend?

A true friend is a great companion; a person who can understand your soul. A friend listens to you, tries to understand you. The time you spend with her/him is precious and meaningful. Even as the time span expands, your friendship still holds profound meaning and feels precious. A friend trusts you and understands when you’re troubled. Especially if you are not in a position to talk about your state, they will not force you to do so.

Are you a good friend?

If the idea of parting with a friend brings tears or scars your heart, you seem to be a good friend to me. What I derive out of it is that you will fight for me and never let me go easily. Your fighting spirit and your devotion is all I sometimes ask for. Being a good shoulder to lean on, giving me the space to live my life, letting me be independent and being my “psychotherapist” are signs that you are a great friend. I would be extremely lucky to have a friend like you.




Misunderstanding

Life is lifeless sans barricades and some rise between friends. When both of you don’t try to break through it, it’s called a misunderstanding. Often, the solution is as simple as bridging the gap through conversations. Just talking to your friend will clear the mists of doubt. The key to letting go of your ego that is preventing you from talking is TRUST. If you believe that you trust your friend, then speak out.


Negativity

When you have tried hard enough to fix the mishaps but it keeps coming back, it creates a negative blanket around you. However logical you are, the surroundings and the people you surround yourself with will affect your mind and health. Negativity in friendships can be due to many factors.

Your friend wants to know everything happening in your life. Every time you have a conversation, it’s about where he/she stands in your life, whether you talk to this person all the time, have you been hiding anything lately and so on. You feel like he/she has lost faith in you and doesn’t have confidence in your friendship. And after all these years of memorable instances with them, this lack of confidence seems disrespectful to you. You want to go back to the start with this person but it’s too late. Do you want to continue answering to this person who is constantly grading your friendship skills?

Suddenly, your friend doesn’t relate to you anymore! Last year, they tolerated your silly jokes and your adventurous attitude but now your jokes are getting on their nerves and they stop you on your adventures. You have other friends and this idea is killing them internally. They expect you to spend all your time with them. They are starting to lash out unnecessarily. They want to change you and they make decisions about you without involving your opinions in it. To sum it all, they are chaotic and make you feel unimaginably restricted. Do you want to continue to live up to their expectations?

You didn’t see it coming .Your friendship starts off on a bright scale. They provide great company, respect you and listen to you. It all goes amazing until one day both of you become closer and BOOM! You just made friends with a completely different person. This is different if they are suffering from split personality. But if they are normal and you are introduced to a completely different personality with time then it’s always a doubt if you are okay with what the friendship offers you. Say, if the person shares your adventurous spirit and travels with you but after getting closer you get to know that they are more of a serious person and you slowly grow apart. Or after a few years, maybe the person insults you more and think its always a great time to put words into your mouth and make fun out of you. You might become the punching bag or the PA of your suddenly workaholic friend. Do you want to change for something you never signed up?

Your friend never warms up to you.  This person says your friendship means a lot and that you are relatable but then sways between talking with you on some occasions and completely ignoring you other times. It is two extremes. You are never able to put a finger on where this will lead you. It feels like you’re the only one trying to make it work. You’ve put a lot of effort to show them that you mean a lot to them and that you can be trusted. All your determination put into this friendship feels like they went down the drains. Do you want to continue fighting for this person?

Is letting go the solution?

You and everybody have a limit they can take. If the friendship takes a toll on your emotions and the decisions you take towards your goals, LET GO. Do not feel guilty and let go of the love you have for this person. Everybody changes with time, it is normal to let go and move on. Letting go does not mean hating this person but treating this person as you would have done when you both were in square 1 of your friendship. It can be hard because of the lifetime you spent with them or the closeness you once shared with them. It is okay to let go of the person but treasure the memories and the lessons you learnt from them.
 
Hey guys! I hope you felt this post was helpful. Let me know in the comments down below if you would see this as a solution. Thanks for reading!


PS: Not all pictures belong to me. Some of them are supported by Pixabay

 

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